Well, it’s been a while. Even backed up re:

e-mails and telephone call-backs. As I have my

left foot elevated and suck up to the pain. I’d

severe pain in my foot. Went to the 1^st MD,

who said I had tendonitis, gave me a

prescription for an anti-inflammatory, and sent

me on my way. Well, it didn’t get better, and I

randomly came across a podiatrist in my town,

1^st MD, took x-rays that didn’t show a break.

So, he wrapped up the foot & told me to take it

easy, as well as another anti- inflammatory.

And I trudged on, as I can’t miss work, as I

won’t get paid! And it kept getting worse. I’d

get home from work, and struggled to get my

foot out of my boot, as it would swell up.

Finally, the MD told me to have an MRI done.

Turns out that I’ve been walking around with a

stress fracture, going along the width of my

foot, almost side to side. I really ducked the

bullet, as I really was heading down a bad path.

Thursday, I met with the MD, who gave me a

futuristic looking boot, that I can take off,

instead of the usual hard cast. Apparently,

what started as a small break, got worse over

time, but was so fine, it didn’t show up in

x-rays. More health misery for 2009. But, at

least I can work, right?

We had house-guests last weekend, and of

course politics came up, and I bit my lip, as I

don’t hold views of most of my peers. Such

negativity towards President Obama, and local

politicians. Now, I dislike politicians on the

whole, but you’ve got to give people a chance &

not be so narrow-minded, and wrong. Views are

views, and everyone’s entitled to theirs, but, at

least build your views rationally, instead of

jumping to what someone spouts, w/out seeing

the whole picture. What happened at Fort Hood

is a tragedy, and could have been prevented, if

certain agencies were on the same page, but to

have 1 of the house-guests say that the Middle

East should be “nuked” and turned into a

parking lot, annoyed me. There are far too

many innocent people, who aren’t much different

than us, just want to live their lives, hopefully

happened to humanity & “The Golden Rule?” Is

fan of his music since hearing his 1^st release in

1980, and have followed his career ever since.

Lately I’ve been on a JJ listening kick, and have

realized that I hold a very similar view to his,

as taking from how I perceive his lyrics. And

I’ve noticed that on his late 80’s/early 90’s

“rock” albums/cds, he touched upon both songs

of “peace” and of longing for the late teenage

the feeling that you could take on the world!

And the music, such an eclectic mix of classical,

Jazz, world music, and rock ‘n’ roll. Sometimes

all in 1 song. If I had to recommend only 1 cd

that ties in all things JJ, I’d say his 1986

release ‘Big World’ would be it, though ‘Night &

Day’ isn’t too far behind. JJ’s music “swings!”

And his auto-biography is interesting also,

though I thought it was too brief. And, as it’s

been 20 years since “The Wall” fell, and many

entry with JJ’s song -

Forty Years

(On the 10th anniversary of the end of World War II)

But it was forty years ago

But it was forty years ago

Where I come from

Awaiting the next forty years

But it was forty years ago

 for 2 days, I came back and read it, and am so glad I didn’t post it, as it dripped

 with immense hatred and venom. And by putting it out there, wouldn’t have

 solved the various issues and thoughts I’m currently navigating through. I’m

 having difficulty identifying friends at the moment, as there seems to be too

 much of a soap opera brewing. Basically, I’m annoyed with a few people, who

 seem more like free-loaders than actual friends. Content to accept invitations to

 various gathering my wife & I have thrown, but always show up empty handed,

 and feel content to eat, drink, and be merry, always on my dime. There’s never

 any reciprocation! I know, I should be humble, and thankful that these people

 have a good time, but to be honest, I don’t always have the money to do this,

 and end up straining finances in attempt to please everyone. Now, I’ve got to

 figure out how to deal with these people, as it gives me no joy to hang out with

 them anymore. I understand that everyone’s going through issues today, but,

 I’m tired of people complaining, but not doing anything with effort, to change

 their situations. Me, I’m just trying to figure out what I need to do, and I keep

 the complaining as only mentioned to my wife. Not that the aforementioned

 people are bad people, they’re not, I just have to figure out if I should just be

 direct and let them know how I feel/see things, and if needed, cut my losses and

 move on?

Well, it’s a new entry, at almost 02:30 hours!

Listening to a live peter gabriel show from

09071977! “Slowburn” was playing, as I submit

 the lyrics, as they tie in to what I’m feeling at

the moment. The song was off his 1^st album

  from 1977!

 Slowburn

We're character actors from the tower of Babel
Bewildered, burnt out hardly able
To sit astride the high wire cable
It's hard to balance, a little unstableThrough broken eyes and contact lenses
I watched you draw your future tenses
See kisses of flame blow out of your lips
You're back telling me your ApocalypseBut don't get me wrong, I'll be strong
When the slow burn sunset come along
You've gotta stay the night
I gotta think that you mightWe've tried a handful of bills and a headful of pills
We've tried making movies from a volume of stills
Words fell like hailstones, bouncing at our feet,
Covering our feelings with a frozen sheetA chance to move I take a shot
I get cold - you get hot
We look outside, lyin' awake
See birds breakin' surface on a silent lake
But don't get me wrong, I'll be strong
When I’m back on the Isle of AvalonDon't get me wrong, I'll be strong
When the slow burn sunset come along
You've gotta stay the night
I gotta think that you mightDon't try to make it easy, it'll cut you down to size
Darlin' we've got to trust in something
We're shooting down our skies
Shooting down, shooting down our skies
Shooting down our.......

 Props to peter! And I’ve moved on to a liveKinks show from

 12/18/87, and a Dave DaviesSong, “Living On A Thin Line”

too which I’vealso included the lyrics;

Living On A Thin Line Written by: Dave Davies

Lyrics:

All the stories have been told
Of kings and days of old,
But there's no England now.
All the wars that were won and lost
Somehow don't seem to matter very much anymore.
All the lies we were told,
All the lies of the people running round,
They're castles have burned.
Now I see change,
But inside we're the same as we ever were.

Living on a thin line,
Tell me now, what are we supposed to do?
Living on a thin line,
Tell me now, what are we supposed to do?
Living on a thin line,
Living this way, each day is a dream.
What am I, what are we supposed to do?
Living on a thin line,
Tell me now, what are we supposed to do?

Now another century nearly gone,
What are we gonna leave for the young?
What we couldn't do, what we wouldn't do,
It's a crime, but does it matter?
Does it matter much, does it matter much to you?
Does it ever really matter?
Yes, it really, really matters.

Living on a thin line,
Tell me now, what are we supposed to do?
Living on a thin line,
Tell me now, what are we supposed to do?

Now another leader says
Break their hearts and break some heads.
Is there nothing we can say or do?
Blame the future on the past,
Always lost in blood and guts.
And when they're gone, it's me and you.

Living on a thin line,
Tell me now, what are we supposed to do?
Living on a thin line,
Tell me now, what are we supposed to do?
Living on a thin line.

And they resonate with the times we’re living

in! At least to me . And I cling to songs and memories, tired but

true, black and blue, and hurtful to positive, within the same

 chords/verse. I give all I have to interpreting the song as it rolls

 out to me. Moments are captured in chord sequences, as they

 capture me, hold me, if only for a moment. We had a loss of

 power earlier today, for about 5 hours, and I realized that I am

 an addict for electricity, as I was so distraught, and now

 think how pitiful! I’m caught within the Siren’s song, as I admit

 my addiction to music and verse, and wish I was proficient at an

 instrument, as too many negative piano lessons whilst a child,

have turned me off to both supervision and practice! Being

 slapped because I couldn’t quite catch the melody, has burned an

 imprint upon my psyche! Why did I get a twisted individual who

 obviously hated kids?And we move on to the present. Hoping all

 is well in all corners of the world. And a further thought to the

Porcupine Tree song "Piano Lessons" as the lyrics and melody

are so true to my life!

burst thru a forest! I’d like to participate in contact with those above. Hoping it

Well, the screen is telling me that my blog is 

that I am paid up-to-date? WTF? On top of having

quite stupid problems with the computer, as my wife

has been busy on Facebook, and apparently via that

site, contracted virus’ and such. Not that it’s her

fault, as she’s managed to re-connect with quite a

few people, but . . .

So, as usual, I’m pissed off & listening to a New

Model Army show from 9/15/09, and wishing I’d

seen them! Mature angst for turbulent times and

anger directed at the idiocy of current regimes and

religious confusion.

It’s funny, that I’ve actually been composing entries,

Yet, either never got around to posting, or tried,

and ran into problems. So now, I type off the cuff.

No plan, no structure, nothing really important to

type, but curious to see if this makes it through.

I’ve been lucky as I’ve been getting quite a bit of

over-time, as I have medical bills from surgery in

July, that I’m trying to pay off. In fact, it seems

all my wife & I seem to be doing, is trying to catch

up with bills! And I know, it’ll not end soon. Thankfully

my wife & Dino are happy for the moment, and I keep

my brooding to a minimum.

And having done some entertaining/BBQ’s over the

summer, which as usual, went to damn fast! And

more music than I can possibly listen to, has made

other mundane aspects of life quite bearable.

So, here I go, attempting to post, and hoping this

To take from the same titled Echo & The Bunnymen

song. My god, it’s been quite a while, no? “A Hard

Rain’s Gonna Fall” to take from Bryan Ferry’s (he of

Roxy Music/solo fame) cover of the Bob Dylan song.

Now, as much as I admire Mr. Dylan, saw where he

grew up inMinnesota (Great State, by the way), I am not

a fan at all!

Appreciate, but it’s not for me. Thunderstorms are

visiting, as Dino & I watch, Slinking through my town.

As I torment Dino to a Smiths dvd from 5/18/85 (just

over 24 years ago!). I’m gonna wait before turning on

the computer,  give the storms a chance! And finally do

a new entry, damn; I pay for this every month. As usual,

where am I?  At the moment, in he middle of working

too many days, as we just lost a good guy, who “upped”

and joined the Marines! He wants to go and “kill” in

Afghanistan! I wish I were kidding. When I typed 

“Kill”, I meant that he wants to go after those who hide

behind the “veil” of organized religion, primarily Islam.

And will kill those who don’t follow their doctrine.

Me, I oppose all organized religion; believe that a

person’s belief, is their own belief! It’s only when people

get together, that good thoughts often go awry. Just like

the Catholic Church in Ireland. The Church accepted

the fact that 1000’s of children were molested by both

priests and nuns in school, in the 20^th

Century, yet none of these pedophiles will get punished,

go figure. I know this probably isn’t a subject for a

blog/entry, especially as I’ve done no entries in months,

but I’m watching/listening to “Reel Around The

Fountain”, by The Smiths, and the lyrics cover child

molestation by someone of power, a supposed “teacher.”

And suddenly, the sun’s come out, as if a god cared!

Outlined by a dark grey sky, and the promise of more

thunderstorms thru the night.

Also, of note, I cannot with good conscience, advocate

taking anyone’s life, unless it was a matter of life or

death. To me, life is too precious, as I don’t know what,

if anything, comes next. Yes, I know, “Oh, Ye Of Little

I’ve gained the insight to realize that I carry too much

anger. And what am I gonna do about that? I don’t

know, but I have to find an outlet, or my long suffering

wife and Dino will kill me! I am tired of my “station” in

life, and am arrogant to a point. I do realize there is

plenty I can do; I just have to “do!” I look around in

anger, I look around in pain, but have to realize, I’m

not the only one in the position I’m in, and should

get over it” & move on to positive.

I’m finding solace in music. Whether, the satanic

overtones (every man for himself, not really about a

“devil”) of Venom and Celtic Frost, to the dulcet tones

of Gentle Giant and early Genesis, to the truth of Ian

Curtis and Joy Division, where mankind is against the

single man, to bands such as The Smiths and Echo &

The Bunnymen, to current bands such as Watchers of

the Ascension, who take Jesus dying on the cross, and

run with it, covering both the evil & good. Saw them

open up for 1 of my all time fave’s, Killing Joke towards

the end of last year. Both bands stated that you can’t go

by faith in something, but be your best, and hope that

there’s something after you pass on. I believe that, as

I’ve had too many bad experiences with organized

religion, as my parents were hard core Catholics

& I was both an alter boy and in the choir, you can

figure out the rest. I mean it with all my heart, which

most priests & nuns should burn, if there is such a thing

as hell! I honestly hope there is such a thing as Karma,

and that those who did, suffer, for eternity.

Well, obviously, I shouldn’t post this, as honesty doesn’t

win one satisfaction, or relief. It’s been a harsh year so

far, and I’ll be turning 40, yet, I still feel like I’m

sixteen! No job prospects, and no future, I do feel bad

for my wife, as  I’m where I am for the moment.

Wishing all those currently serving, those who served,

and those who gave their lives, so that I might see

And I’ve now moved on to Monday, as I couldn’t post

this entry yesterday. My computer is plagued with

something, which is screwing up my e-mail & such.

Pissing me off to no end. Hope to have someone come

look at it before the end of the week.

And, after watching a live Motorhead dvd from 2003,

I’ve moved on the UK post-punk band Leatherface

(taken from a certain horror movie character), fronted

 by the earnest Frankie Stubbs. Listening to their 1^st

 long player, ‘Cherry Knowle,’ from 1989. Been a fan for

 a number of years, read of the bandmates

 disintegrating before my eyes. Hope all is well in their

I do have to give “props” to my long suffering wife,

who’s been going through her own personal hell with

her former employer and medical issues. It surprised

me, but for all the bullshit, there was actually light at

the end of her tunnel, as she chose to fight, and applied

100% into fighting the incompetent idiots running the

company she worked for, bled for, and as a result, had 2

surgeries, and is still suffering with pain. And, she

doesn’t often “bitch & moan” of her current situation

,

unlike me. I should really suck it up & admit, I’m where

I’m at, for the moment. Maybe, I do have the power to

change things, though my mind tells me the opposite!

Thanks to depression, self doubt, and no faith. And I

know, I didn’t get that from my parents, who struggled

against odds, and achieved the so-called “American

Dream.” Though, my mom was to die from cancer, and

my dad was injured in his line of work. Their faith

sustained them, even in the darkest of moments, yet, I’ve

no faith, don’t know what to believe, and just trudge

from day to day. My god, I read like such a “sad sack!”

Moved on to ‘Mush’ from 1991, and still Leatherface.

Frankie Stubbs, vocals & main lyricist & rhythm

guitarist, has a “Lemmy” quality to his voice. Lemmy of

Motorhead, of course. They even covered a Police song

on this release. Also, reminds me of 1984/85 Husker Du!

So, in a nutshell, I’ve got nothing new to add, nothing

profound to add to the blogging community, and only

questions, which I won’t bother to share, as they’re not

worthy of a blog & I don’t expect answers. There’s so

much more I could be doing, maybe this will push me

 into something new?

Wishing the best to everyone out there . . . . .. .

Ah, a rare occasion, I’m actually motivated to post an entry.

Been burning my hoard of vinyl into digital, and have been

listening to a gem of an album, of which I don’t believe it’s

been released on cd. ‘Rise And Shine’ from The Bears

,

Adrian Belew (he of King Crimson/David Bowie/Talking

Heads fame!) and 3 friends. From 1988, songs about the

terrible economic state of the nation, as well as the conflicts

‘round the world, and sped up to 2009, and the songs are just

as relevant now. Are we really progressing from decade to

decade? I think back to my early teen years at the start of the

1980’s, and, for all the fear imparted to me then, it seems

worse in 2009.

My wife and Dino are sleeping on the couch. She returned to

work, and is working as many hours as possible, as am I.

 I’ve had the chance to watch Obama’s speech, as well as

keeping tuned to BBC news, both during the day, and during

the overnight.

For the moment, I’m grateful to go back and listen to actual

records as I burn them into binary, and am left to wonder

what 2009 will bring to the world. It seems there are more

people out there who would like to see the human race fail at

this point, whether for a god or political belief. What

happened to “The Golden Rule?”

It’s now slipped into Sunday, and I’ll be back at work in

hours, and my wife also. Poor Dino, he’s going to have to get

used to stretches without company. I do feel bad, but we

make it up to him when we are around.

Anyway, life could be worse, health and temporary stability

will comfort me for the over-night. And I have to laugh as an

old “inside” joke I shared with co-workers back in the early

80’s whilst stocking shelves at a supermarket, our usual

response at the end of another boring day was , “And

remember, Don’t Feed The Bears!” As we drifted off into the

night, often hoping for a cold beer or 6, and

wondering/pondering as to where we would end up. Who

knew?

I'm still here! Silence for the moment, but I intend to get back

to entries. Thanks to all those who stopped by! As I listen to a

live show from The Damned, 12/06/08, and I'm wishing I had

the chance to see them! Working a sub-human job, and living

pay check to pay check, though, Dino doesn't go for want. If

I don't get the chance, wishing everyone a "Happy Holidays!"

To quote Capt. Sensible (The Damned guitarist), "Life goes on

and on, and on!"

Well, it's crossing over to Monday morning, as I sit here,

listening to a 1990 release by The Sisters of Mercy, '

Vision Thing' which brings mention of Bush#1 in office, 

and to quote Andrew Eldritch's lyrics from the song

"Vision Thing" & "It's a small world and it smells bad,

I'd buy another if I had, back, what I paid, for another

motherfucker in a motorcade." And I have to ask, have

we actually evolved in the last 2 decades? I'm not really

sure.

I've been limiting myself to listening to music, as my

wife thinks that I'm obsessed with both collecting

various items/cds. I admit that I do often use music

to escape, though I've started reading on a daily basis

as I'd like to keep my mind sharp. The result of too

much "intake" in my earlier years.

I now find it funny as when I first started dating my

wife, she was living with her parents at the time (Who

we now share a 2 family house), and I had my

apartment in Astoria, NYC, and instead of her spending

the night at my former apartment, I'd often drive her

home at about 2 AM, and I usually had Sisters of Mercy

on tape, and played loud, at least to her ears. She was

of the opinion that Andrew Eldritch had a scary voice,

but then, she's a huge Air Supply fan, so my music was

a drastic change, especially when I played the song

"More" which was co-written with Jim Steinman (of

producing Meatloaf fame).

The whole album relates to the late 80's/early 90's,

yet is still relevant today. Yet, at least to me, it's easy

to fall into cynicism.

I've often wondered as to how I was feeling, if anyone

else in music/the arts, felt the way I do, and thankfully

I found bands that both the lyrics and music struck a

chord with my thoughts.

I actually saw The Sisters a few years ago, and was

disappointed as it was just Andrew and 2 guitarists, and

though show wasn't bad, I expected a lot more. For

example, saw Siouxsie & The Banshees around 1994,

and loved the show. In the same style of music.

I guess this was a continuation of my Goth years

(which continues to this day/age). I identified with the

outlook of my fave Goth bands, though I was easily

entertained by them. I wanted to delve deeper,

regarding looking up questions I had for each song, as

if I was searching for the Holy Grail, also of which I've

read up on.

I guess it boils down to aural fixation, as I've often

returned to listening to the whole album/cd of The

Cure's release 'Disintegration & Pornography' and

identified in an almost primal sense, as I actually so

identified with the albums/cds, in both lyrical context

and with the music.

Bottom line is that I'm using certain music, as do people

regarding "comfort food." And even though the music

could be labeled depressing, I often find solace within

the songs. As an outlet for my anger and frustration,

and sometimes for my outlook of the day. As most

people see the glass as half full, I often go with the

glass is half empty.

Apologies as this became a ramble of thoughts and

speculation, and I wish I had something more

contemporary and could let loose with facts and

opinion, yet at this point I'd really wish for employment

and benefits, as well as a boost to my self esteem.

My tempter's been short for the past year, and even

though I realize it, I haven't made any changes, though

I know/feel the time is near.

Still listening to The Sisters, and feeling a little bit of

Andrew's presence in possibly influencing my thoughts

as the night has gotten away from me.

Well, after checking my stats, I’ve had this blog for over 3

years; however, it doesn’t seem that long of a stretch of time.

And all of those who’ve come and gone. Not getting

 sentimental, but feeling the pull of time passing. Tonight. I sit

 in front of the computer, with headphones on and working.

Listening to the most current re-master of Joy Division’s 1979

 release ‘Unknown Pleasures’ as the temp here in NYC suburbia

 is still around 84 degrees, and thankful for central air!

My subscription is weeks from expiring, and I’ve to decide if I

 want to continue blogging. Some tremendous people out there

 on “The Net” and it almost seems like a no-brainer. There’s a

 great big world out there, and to be able to converse, through a

 blog, with people all around the world, is special.

Right now, I’ve got to direct my focus towards obtaining

employment, and taking care of

my right knee, as, after surgery in 2002, has been swollen since

 Thursday, and my doctor, who’s a great guy, and told me I

need to see my orthopedist surgeon, the same 1 who worked on

 my wife. My MD stated that he couldn’t do much more than

 writing a subscription for Celebrex, as well as 1 for Lipitor, as

 my cholesterol  Been icing and elevating the knee, and yet, I

 have no idea what I could have done to inflame the knee.

And, my In-law’s and I are on bad terms at the moment, as I

 had issues with my father-in-law sending, at least to me, a vibe

 regarding my looking for work. Forget the fact that I’ve had

 Jury Duty for 3 weeks, which just ended, and was a difficult to

 decide the verdict. So, it’s Saturday night, and I’ve been

 staring at a screen for 4 hours, and for what? Tomorrow has a

 busy schedule, and then, it’s right back to uncertainty for the

 week ahead.

The title is taken from the lyrics

of a Joy Division song!  

Listening to a live version of

the Joy Division song " She's

Lost Control" from 1979, which

deals with epilepsy and the

unknown, and I have to apply

this to the day's events.

Finished with Jury Duty. We,

the jurors found the defendant

guilty on 7 felony counts, it

was a white collar/fraud case.

8 women and 4 men made up

the jury, and all 8 women cried

as the verdict was read, as us

men, stared at our feet.

Circumstances drove someone

to make bad choices and break

the law. We all identified with

her, and her attorney, the

defense attorney did 1 hell of a

job! The ADA sucked big time,

but the facts and evidence led

us to our decision, emotions

had no place in our

deliberations, though it took 2

days to get through that! If

only she had taken the plea

bargain, as her attorney

advised her. There was a lot of

crying in the gallery! But, all in

all, it was an interesting

experience, coming from a

pure law enforcement side.

Thanks to all who commented

on my last entry, I know I had

a hard time reading it! I hope

this comes out better!

And it's funny, as I finish my edits/read-thru

to the live version of Joy Division's "Atrocity

Exhabition" and "This is the way, step inside"

as my blood runs cold, and I wonder if this

could be our future?

Apologies, if anyone who'd

bother to read this, would take

offense to the title. I've been

listening to the UK band

Mansun's 'Attack Of The Grey

Lantern' from 1997, and Paul

Draper and crew really hit

home for me! Still on Jury

Duty, we've started

Well, I had the wrong year in my prior entry,

1984, well, to mis-quote Jimi Hendrix, "1984, A

Merman I shall not be!" As I listen to UK band

1997 release, from Mansun, 'Attack Of The

Grey Lantern' and the daze of chemicals and

choices in life. Just finished watching "The

Adromeda Strain" on A&E, and was

disappointed, but I'll hold my tongue. Still on

Jury Duty, and thankfully, today had all the

drama I could hope to expect! But I can't

discuss! Anyway, still listening to Mansun, and

thinking of the past, and the heartbreak of not

being able to return to certain moments,

haunting and disturbed, yet solace seems

apparent. But what do I know. I type and type

and nothing really matters as I lay my head to

sleep. My dreams have more life than I do! My

dreams scare me, yet no figure approaches me

in the dream state, to show me, direct me

where I should go, so I stumble in a kind of

Purgatory, and wonder if things will sort

themselves out. Too much thinking, has not

made me any smarter, too many thoughts has

paralyzed me in fear and cold sweat, or is the

cold sweat just the "drugs" (Nothing illegal!)

leaving my system? I've spent money I don't

have, I've watched "friends" disappear, I've

seen my wife turn away in disgust, as my

father & brothers seem to have, yet, like a

punching bag, I'm still here, going back & forth

and "holding on!"

Too much of a ramble, and as usual, I

apologize for my rant, as people are dying in

the Midwest, China, and former Burma! At this

very moment, and all I can hope for, is sleep,

before I have to re-appear in court as this trial

goes on & on & on & on, maybe by the end of

July. And I apologize agian, the shame, the

shame!

I'm currently on Jury Duty in New York

State, and an bored out of hell! And it's

12:14 AM on 5/22/84, and I've got to

return to the trial in a number of hours.

I've currently playing "Draget Drag" live

from 1990, August, and Peter Murphy 

and "The 100 Men!" I'm tired, yet, want

to approach the meta-physical, yet, I've 

no key, no entry am I allowed. I am.

What am I? Too smart for my own good? 

I am not. I am, a pale version of a hero, 

much too pale. I am, I am Death,

becoming, to take from the Tibetan "Book

Of The Dead!" I am nothing, but my sin.

And my sin is mostly of "Pride!" I am

nothing but what inhabits my skin, which

I am embarrsesed about. Apologies for

spelling. god, How much I abide by rules

that no one thinks to obey. If the Rapture

\happended tomorrow, would I remain? I

think at this point, I'd welcome an

endless tomorrow, without worry. But,

maybe, I'm a bleak dreamer, who has yet

to grasp what tomorrow can bring?

I am clothed in darkness, a personal

touch! I've currently been burning a

bunch of both Genesis (Thru The Ages!)

and solo material, and I'm not satisfied

with either the programs I'm using, nor

some of the material I've "Down-loaded!"

As I wish I could worship at the alter of

Peter Murphy, whom, after 9/11, was not

afraid to embrace the Muslim faith. Not

that I'd do the same! I've no interest in

organized religion, even though a close

friends' brother is gonna be the pastor of

my church. I really don't know anything,

anymore, as those whom get titles w/in

the Church, are usually those w/

skeletons in their closet. Go Figure!

Not that I'm implying anything, but the

truth can often be found under the

surface. And I apologize for my rant on

the Catholic Church, but having been

there & been done unto, well, I think

you get the message! Tomorrow is

another day, and love can light the light

we need to see, maybe?

Well, 2 job interviews this week, and 2 rejections. And I

really thought I had the 2^nd job, which now leaves me

with a nagging suspicion that somewhere in the back-

ground process being conducted, either someone is say-

ing negative things about my former employment, or

there is something,  somewhere in my prior

employment records, that’s hurting me. Frustrating to

put it mildly, if that’s the case.

I do have to admit that I did go into an idle mode the

past 2 months, and now, both a healthy and un-healthy

dose of fear has emigrated to my psyche. I’m hitting the

various employment sites, and accepting that I may

have to take something below the salary I’ve grown

accustomed to. Bitter, twisted, and sour, much like a

lemon past it’s expiration date, and this hasn’t helped

me in any sense. Come September, it’ll be 2 years, if

nothing happens in between, and that scares me.

Possibly, foolishly, spurred on by a comment from The

Captain a while back, I’ve been tossing and tumbling

with the idea of writing a book, connecting music and

basic social interaction. I’ve actually been thinking

about this possible subject, for a number of years,

going back to when I had my 1^st apartment in the

1990’s. Have material already drafted andpossible

chapters and direction. But is it only me that hears/feels

and see’s a strong social connection with the music that

I love, going beyond the superficial, I don’t know. I do

know what I like, I like most of what I know, and am

enough of a cynic to possibly bare the truth, or, the

truth as it appears/sounds to me. Anyway, that was a

ramble, and probably too much said, whatever . . .

On the Dino front, he was in his 1^st altercation with

another dog, a Beagle, roughly the same age, who was

rescued from “the pound” 2 months ago, and is now

residing about a block, away from us. The other Beagle

is “fixed” and Dino isn’t. We’re hoping to breed Dino

this summer. Anyway, both Dino and the other Beagle

(for the life of me, I can’t recall his name!) sniffed each

other, and things seemed fine. Then, Dino went nose to

nose with the other Beagle, and the other Beagle

snapped at Dino, nipping him on the side of his mouth,

and scratching the top of Dino’s head. Minor blood

loss, and the other Beagles owners were white in shock,

as my wife & I took it in stride, as we knew the other

Beagle had it’s shots and that we weren’t upset, just

concerned to clean Dino up, as he seemed shaken, but

ok.

Since we’ve seen that Beagle since, he reacted the same

way with yet another Beagle. It turns out that there are

7 Beagles within a 4 block residence, and now that the

weather’s warmer, we’re meeting all of them.

Wow, another post for April of 2008, and quite a

boring post to boot. Though I did get to watch The

Rangers lose in hockey  last night, whilst hanging out

at the “sports bar” with some friends, good

conversation, and plenty of Genesis songs in the

background!

Finally got my fingers to type. My wife & I are

celebrating our 7th year of marriage, and a total of 10

years together. Playing outtakes from a soundtrack that

peter gabriel did for the movie "Passion: The Last

Temptation Of Christ" as I also have the tv on and the

Pope saying mass at Yankee Stadium. Also watched the

Pope at Ground Zero, and it made me appreciate the

power of faith, as I watched those who came before

him. I hadn't really made up my mind re: Benedict

XVI, but I see him now, as I do the Dali Lama. Seems to

be generous of spirit.

Anyway, my wife's parents made the haul up from

Florida, and are settling back into their New York

groove. (apologies to Ace Frehley of KISS fame.)

I find it funny that I've been hesitating for so long, to

do an entry. I've been trying to keep up with my fellow

bloggers, but haven't felt I had anything worth typing.

I'm grateful for those who stopped by and commented

on my last entry. I may even decide to go back and re-

read some of my earlier entries.

With all the strife and negative vibes going on in the

world at the moment, I'm just grateful for having my

wife & Dino by my side, that, and a roof over our

heads.

I'm back in the employment game, going on phase III,

to obtain an insurance position, will know, hopefully by

Tuesday, if I'll be offered the position, or not.

I'm also dredging my memories, foolishly wishing I

could return to certain moments in time. In instances

like the aforementioned, as I step outside myself, to see

myself, I realize how selfish a process this is.

And after an hour trying to play records on this "all -

in - one component system" and having the needle go

haywire as I try to play some fave vinyl, and I have a

protection plan on the unit, but as a "modern man", I

want it to work for me now! That, and whilst trying to

replace the black ink cartridge in the printer (a very

simple thing, mind you!), and following the printer

spec's, I keep getting an error, and all attempts to

troubleshoot, have just given me more of a headache.

Listening to "Kiss Of Life" (live), on cd, from peter

gabriel, circa 1982, and trying to re-establish some

sanity. Gone are the old days of just wanting to smash

the offending objects, yes, I can/could be that childish,

in moments of non-clarity. How old am I again? And 

will I ever learn. Like being told not to touch the hot 

stove, and touching it anyway, to really see it it is hot. 

Dumb-ass comes to mind, but I think I can move on 

from here at the moment. 

You'd think that within the space that I haven't 

blogged, that I'd come into the new entry with

something profound. Yet, I've got nothin'. 

I should be up to challenges at this point, as I haven't 

been maximizing my time. At least I can appreciate the

music & band as I listen to "Not One Of Us" (live) with

peter surrounded by enthusiastic musicians such as 

David Rhodes on guitar, Tony Levin on bass, Jerry

Marotta on drums, and Larry Fast on keyboards.

What a band! 

And it's 1 of those days where, as usual, I'm

questionning everything, and worried about

punctuation and spelling, as I wonder if this is really 

wasting time, or am I actually contributing? So much

to think about, that I'm thinking in circles and not 

reaching any results, or am I? 

Should simplify things to a basic, love, as I have for my

wife & Dino, and build on that. Yet, as a practicing 

dumb-ass, I'm too busy thinking 'bout everything at 

once, and instead of actually taking steps, I'm sittin' 

here, with sunlight streaming in, typing like a fiend,

and . . .    

Well, it's been a while. And, I'm still here? Yes, I think I

am! Listening to "You Move Me" from the late great UK

band The Comsat Angels, from the UK Label RPM release,

'7 Day Weekend', that quotes from the 2 best lines that

the blues great Robert Johnson wrote! "The train had 2

lights on that night, Blue was my blues, red was my

mind!" Who said UK band had no soul!

I've stopped by various blogs, but haven't added

anything, and I apologize for that, but it seemed that

whenever I tried to leave a comment, my computer

would send an "error" message, so I didn't bother. My

mistake!

Well, I'm still married, and Dino's 1 happy dog! My wife's

had 2 surgeries, and is going to physical therapy. She

seems happy for the most part, but I've had my share of

small screw ups. I'm not working, again, had it w/ the

Insurance Co., and was let go/left, but work had slowed

down anyway. Now, I'm searching for something,

anything (almost)! It's funny, I got caught up in this

whole occult thing, as I've always been curious, so I

bought a bunch of books off of Amazon, and well, money

not well spent. I'm searching for something that inhabits

my nightmares, yet feels so close, hard to explain, but

I've been down this road before. I've seen all Catholicism

has to offer, believe me, I've been to Lourdes, France,

and I disown it, as I know there's something more, but,

this isn't the forum for that. Anyway, I'm still here, paid

up to June of '08, and wonderin' how my fellow bloggers

are making out! Thanks to those who left messages, as I

was a ship w/out a course, adrift on an ocean of mental

anguish, as the jobs I thought were out there, are few

and hard to find, but that's my struggle for the moment!

If anyone comes across this, my wish is good thoughts

for them, and a pleasant Sunday, 021708, and we'll see,

right?

I sit in front of the computer, how original a start of an entry;

and type away to the demo of "Decades" by Joy Division, that is

just over 27 years old, and I'm tired.

My wife just had surgery re: her left arm rotator cuff and a bone

spur, and the insurance company keeps "dicking" us around. My

job is not what I want, and I'm looking elsewhere, but at the

moment, I'm where I'm at! Like looking thru the spokes of a

moving bicycle wheel, as it seems to turn backwards.

Starting a family, living a life, will it be in "the cards?" Try, before

it's too late, we'll see. My wife puts up with my complaints and

verbal battery upon myself, as I can't see tomorrow for today. "I

looked upon the day at hand, there's nothing there at all!" to

take from Ian Curtis' & Joy Division's "24 Hours!"

Just venting and wonderin' if it'll go through, so much to catch

up upon, like JWL's Celtic poem, identified through the core!

"This is the crisis I knew had to come" from "Passover" from Joy

Division, and I relate, and wonder . . .

Dramatic? Maybe, but just being honest to myself, in the

moment, as I've got to go help my wife in the bathroom, am I

repeating the relationship my mom & dad had as she was

suffering? No, just trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Let's see if this get's published. No dark thoughts, just tired, and

looking forward to a sunny Sunday!

So, it's been a month or so, and I don't know if this will go out to the world

at large. I've half-heartedly kept up with a few entries, but I don't quite

know what has happened between June and the end of July. Well, I did turn

38, and I did finally get a job, that I start tomorrow. My wife's gotten some

money from her Insurance Company, and wants badly, to return to work!

Having spent from February until now, almost 24/7 with me, has made her

realize, she loves me, but only so much! And Dino, well, he's been himself,

and we may pimp him out in September or so, as he's a regular male, he's

got his needs and such! So many exclamation points, but what is the point,

all as well as I don't know.

So many people out there, so many lives I've become intrigued by, and life

goes on. Did see Radio Birdman, they didn't disappoint at all. Met some cool

people at the show and it rocked!

As I listen to King's X self titled cd from 1992 and "Lost In Germany!" and I

know the lost feeling all too well. And now to their "Chariot Song" and I give

thanks as I have love in my life, as the song begs to ask "Are You Going My

Way?" and I know the feeling again. Great cd from a great band, uplifting

and thought provoking at the same time. 3 guys based out of Texas.

"Swing Down Sweet Chariot!" Know the hymn and appreciate the Beatles

touches to their songs! Have strayed from God/god or whatever, as of late.

Happiness has been fleeting, if it's been there at all, but life moves on and

time doesn't stop for a mere mortal as myself, maybe Melany knows the

key to handling time, I sure as don't.   

And I had no direction to this post, and don't know if it will make it outside

my thoughts, but here goes nothing!

I'd like to dedicate this entry to all those who stop by to read and/or

comment, and as "Dream In My Life" by King's X is playing, I dedicate this

to my long suffering wife and Dino, as well as her parents and my dad!

Support is important, and I'm grateful for this!

And peace and love to everyone out there, sitting in front of their

computers!

Well, it's Saturday, 2 days 'til I see the amazing Aussie band Radio Birdman,

again. It was just last September, right when I was let go from "the job!"

Yesterday, had a job interview in downtown Manhattan, was found to be

overqualified, but they liked me (me, they really liked me?) and are possibly

interested in talking within their human resources department, to see if

there is a need for me. The people I interviewed seem to think so, but like

what just passed with the railroad, there are 5 phases I'd have to go

through, and it's 1 of those, "we'll get back to you" & the handshake. So,

I'm back were I started, with thanks to MO for her advice, the 'ol resume's

gone through another draft, and it's got me wonderin'!

Having some friends over later for some food/beer/music and discussion.

It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, as Mr Rogers once said daily.

As far as Subterfuge, it seems that's been my life of late, except it seems

it's me who's in the dark on things, and by choice? Don't really know.

Tomorrow, appearing as "The Moving Man" as my wife & I are moving her

sister/niece/brother-in-law into their "new" house, which should have been

done last Sunday, but I ended up putting together an entertainment center

and bedset.

They cancelled my wife's disability, even though both she and her doctor(s)

sent in paperwork to show that she is still partially disabled. Monday

morning, we're off to see her MD, so that he can write a "return to work w/

stipulations" letter, whilst she fights the disabillity carrier! She's not 1 to

be screwed with, she bites back! They have no idea what they're in for!

And a puff of smoke, saw the car explosion at Glasgow airport on CNN, and

wondering if that was a car bomb, and if things are starting again? 7/7 is

coming up (happens to be my most hated day as it will have been 38 years

since I've stepped foot on this god forsaken place) and the aniversary of the

London Tube bombings, damn!

Today, my friends and I will sit 'round the picnic table, and as we eat &

drink, prodded on by the music, will plan world domination like a Risk board

game, and then discuss ways of curing society's ill's and how to make the

world a better place, until talk of the current baseball stat's will start a

stupid argument, and then the debate will go to talk of steroids and "roid"

rage. Do I know my crowd, or what. Anyway, enough about me, how are

you?

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend and if the sun is shining on the patch

of ground you're on, look up and realize, the same sun is shining down on

me, as I go to clean the patio chairs and get the grill ready.

P.S. Thank you to all those who stop by, provide advice, let me vent, and

don't judge me, sending positive thoughts and prayers, and humbly, I offer

the same in return. Quite a ramble, when I should be outside, as "Zeno

Beach" the final track from Radio Birdman's 'Zeno Beach' cd is playing,

"As here at Zeno beach, the future is out of reach!" a combo of The Beach

Boys (harmony vocals), Door's keyboards, The Ramones, and of course,

The Mighty Radio Birdman!

 In a fair trade, I received a working turntable for a working droplight.

The day started off in hell, stuck in traffic whilst taking my dad-in-law to

JFK airport, the Belt Parkway sucks!!!!

Anyway, listening to some vinyl, pulled out 'Wayfaring Sons' by the Colin

Hay Band (he formerly of Men At Work (another great band, even if it's just

my opinion)) and listening to the song listed below.

Ya (Rest In Peace)

by Colin Hay

These mandolins will play at your bedside
No more black bins where you've checked in to stay
You've cashed your chips in, the dice were all loaded
Too tired to swim, instead you drifted away

Ya...hoo, hoo, hoo
Ya...hoo, hoo, hoo

These mandolins will play for your pleasure
You locked yourself in, then you sent us away
A good place to die, the best room in the hotel
So drink to yourself, and now you don't have to pay

Is it warm up in heaven
Can you put your name on the door
Do they have a drink rider
Now you're suffering no more

Ya...hoo, hoo, hoo
Ya...hoo, hoo, hoo

These mandolins will play at your poolside
You invite us in to while the evening away
We'll drink some gin, and then when the hours past
We'll take our leave, and see you next time we play

Ya...hoo, hoo, hoo
Ya...hoo, hoo, hoo

The reason I post it, is cause I spent time with my dad (da) today. And

it didn't go that well. He's 84, I'll be 38, you do the math, and is convinced

he'll be dead soon, and it's tiring to hear.

So when I saw these lyrics, I thought of death in a positive sense, at least

the way I'd wanna go, given the chance! My dad had never drank in his life.

His dad did, wasted a lot of money, for a family of 17 kids! My other

grandfather also drank, and it killed them both, but that's life. Both my

brothers and all my cousins (I've got over 100 1st cousins, that's Irish &

Catholic for you!) drink, and I've been around. It's hit and miss, and I

accept full responsibility for my actions, unlike my brothers or some friends,

I've never gotten behind the wheel, or been arrested. I don't advocate

anyone abusing anything, however, as of late, I've been no angel.

It's funny, how I'm perceiving time at the moment, somewhat

(extremely) sober, but not by choice. I realize the honesty of this post could

turn away any readers I have, but I've got to keep typing, as the song

plays. My father's father was a minstrel, he knew the 'ol Irish fighting

songs, and much more to do with the "Troubles!" How I wish I had gotten

to meet him, as I'd probably have more in common with him, than my own

dad. But that's life, we're dealt what we're dealt, and now to get a job?

The 'ol resume has been hacked to bits, simplify (as Meleny pointed out in

her last entry, or 2nd to last, sorry I don't recall exactly, duh on me.) and

slash and burn. Back to applying to so many diferent things, my head's

spinning, but not 1 response. But, that's not the real reason of this post, as

I figure that most of my entries are on the gloom side, this time I've got a

question (more than how to land that lucrative job) regarding a book.

I've been intrigued by the book 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne, and when

a friend offered it to me to read, I was looking forward to it. Now, I'm

halfway through, I think I understand the premise, but am I such a

pessimist, that I can't see this working for me? Honestly, I grasp the

concept of "the wish", and believe me, in my lifetime, I've spent quite a

bit of time wishing for things (whilst doing all the normal hard work that

life entails), but, not just for the fact that I can attain a positive frame of

mind, I can be happy for myself and others, but there's no way in heck I

could go all day in that frame of mind. Honestly, as I'm typing, I'm left to

wonder, what was the point of this post, other than just to post an entry?

Hope all who stop by, have an enjoyable weekend!