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05/25/09 into 05/26/09: The Back Of Love?
To take from the same titled Echo & The Bunnymen
song. My god, it’s been quite a while, no? “A Hard
Rain’s Gonna Fall” to take from Bryan Ferry’s (he of
Roxy Music/solo fame) cover of the Bob Dylan song.
Now, as much as I admire Mr. Dylan, saw where he
grew up inMinnesota (Great State, by the way), I am not
a fan at all!
Appreciate, but it’s not for me. Thunderstorms are
visiting, as Dino & I watch, Slinking through my town.
As I torment Dino to a Smiths dvd from 5/18/85 (just
over 24 years ago!). I’m gonna wait before turning on
the computer, give the storms a chance! And finally do
a new entry, damn; I pay for this every month. As usual,
where am I? At the moment, in he middle of working
too many days, as we just lost a good guy, who “upped”
and joined the Marines! He wants to go and “kill” in
Afghanistan! I wish I were kidding. When I typed
“Kill”, I meant that he wants to go after those who hide
behind the “veil” of organized religion, primarily Islam.
And will kill those who don’t follow their doctrine.
Me, I oppose all organized religion; believe that a
person’s belief, is their own belief! It’s only when people
get together, that good thoughts often go awry. Just like
the Catholic Church in Ireland. The Church accepted
the fact that 1000’s of children were molested by both
priests and nuns in school, in the 20th
Century, yet none of these pedophiles will get punished,
go figure. I know this probably isn’t a subject for a
blog/entry, especially as I’ve done no entries in months,
but I’m watching/listening to “Reel Around The
Fountain”, by The Smiths, and the lyrics cover child
molestation by someone of power, a supposed “teacher.”
And suddenly, the sun’s come out, as if a god cared!
Outlined by a dark grey sky, and the promise of more
thunderstorms thru the night.
Also, of note, I cannot with good conscience, advocate
taking anyone’s life, unless it was a matter of life or
death. To me, life is too precious, as I don’t know what,
if anything, comes next. Yes, I know, “Oh, Ye Of Little
Faith!” But, that’s me.
I’ve gained the insight to realize that I carry too much
anger. And what am I gonna do about that? I don’t
know, but I have to find an outlet, or my long suffering
wife and Dino will kill me! I am tired of my “station” in
life, and am arrogant to a point. I do realize there is
plenty I can do; I just have to “do!” I look around in
anger, I look around in pain, but have to realize, I’m
not the only one in the position I’m in, and should
get over it” & move on to positive.
I’m finding solace in music. Whether, the satanic
overtones (every man for himself, not really about a
“devil”) of Venom and Celtic Frost, to the dulcet tones
of Gentle Giant and early Genesis, to the truth of Ian
Curtis and Joy Division, where mankind is against the
single man, to bands such as The Smiths and Echo &
The Bunnymen, to current bands such as Watchers of
the Ascension, who take Jesus dying on the cross, and
run with it, covering both the evil & good. Saw them
open up for 1 of my all time fave’s, Killing Joke towards
the end of last year. Both bands stated that you can’t go
by faith in something, but be your best, and hope that
there’s something after you pass on. I believe that, as
I’ve had too many bad experiences with organized
religion, as my parents were hard core Catholics
& I was both an alter boy and in the choir, you can
figure out the rest. I mean it with all my heart, which
most priests & nuns should burn, if there is such a thing
as hell! I honestly hope there is such a thing as Karma,
and that those who did, suffer, for eternity.
Well, obviously, I shouldn’t post this, as honesty doesn’t
win one satisfaction, or relief. It’s been a harsh year so
far, and I’ll be turning 40, yet, I still feel like I’m
sixteen! No job prospects, and no future, I do feel bad
for my wife, as I’m where I am for the moment.
Wishing all those currently serving, those who served,
and those who gave their lives, so that I might see
“Memorial Day!”
And I’ve now moved on to Monday, as I couldn’t post
this entry yesterday. My computer is plagued with
something, which is screwing up my e-mail & such.
Pissing me off to no end. Hope to have someone come
look at it before the end of the week.
And, after watching a live Motorhead dvd from 2003,
I’ve moved on the UK post-punk band Leatherface
(taken from a certain horror movie character), fronted
by the earnest Frankie Stubbs. Listening to their 1st
long player, ‘Cherry Knowle,’ from 1989. Been a fan for
a number of years, read of the bandmates
disintegrating before my eyes. Hope all is well in their
camp in 2009.
I do have to give “props” to my long suffering wife,
who’s been going through her own personal hell with
her former employer and medical issues. It surprised
me, but for all the bullshit, there was actually light at
the end of her tunnel, as she chose to fight, and applied
100% into fighting the incompetent idiots running the
company she worked for, bled for, and as a result, had 2
surgeries, and is still suffering with pain. And, she
doesn’t often “bitch & moan” of her current situation
,
unlike me. I should really suck it up & admit, I’m where
I’m at, for the moment. Maybe, I do have the power to
change things, though my mind tells me the opposite!
Thanks to depression, self doubt, and no faith. And I
know, I didn’t get that from my parents, who struggled
against odds, and achieved the so-called “American
Dream.” Though, my mom was to die from cancer, and
my dad was injured in his line of work. Their faith
sustained them, even in the darkest of moments, yet, I’ve
no faith, don’t know what to believe, and just trudge
from day to day. My god, I read like such a “sad sack!”
Moved on to ‘Mush’ from 1991, and still Leatherface.
Frankie Stubbs, vocals & main lyricist & rhythm
guitarist, has a “Lemmy” quality to his voice. Lemmy of
Motorhead, of course. They even covered a Police song
on this release. Also, reminds me of 1984/85 Husker Du!
So, in a nutshell, I’ve got nothing new to add, nothing
profound to add to the blogging community, and only
questions, which I won’t bother to share, as they’re not
worthy of a blog & I don’t expect answers. There’s so
much more I could be doing, maybe this will push me
into something new?
A change of tune, might change your life ;)
I feel your pain, Kevin. Lots of computer troubles myself, and finally
invested money i didn't have in norton anti virus. hoping for a year of no
more trouble. i also feel as though i am helpless to alter my outcomes. i
used to be with the masses who believe if you whistle a happy tune and
direct your feet to the sunny side of the street, all will be cheery. and
if all is not cheery with you, then your stinking attitude is the culprit,
and if you would change your attitude then your luck would change. but i
have seen too many years/decades in a row of everything i touch turning to
a bigger problem, and now i have long since accepted that what will be will
be. you can control whether you spent your time banging your head against
a brick wall or whether you just sat quietly and took what came. but you
cannot control whether lots of effort results in improvement or just in a
sore head. and the people who believe you can are just lucky people who
haven't been forced to see every single thing they put their hands to turn
to something worse instead of better. if only they knew how ungrateful and
smug they are. But there is God in it, whichever experience you have. I
recognized long ago. random chance dictates that a targeted outcome will
be achieved on average every third attempt. roll dice looking for odd
numbers. they will occur on average every third roll. do it looking for
even numbers. THEY will occur on average one third of the time.
SO....................... if everything in one's life resists being
accomplished always, then some intelligence is at work, taking your odds
from one third to zero. Which takes the range of personal goals i am
working on down to Trust and Hope. Sad, but only because I haven't managed
them, as yet. Here is my profundity of the week. I found an explanation
for why toast always falls butter side down. i was just thinking about how
even the predictability of evrything always going wrong should be a
certainty one could bank on to some profit, when i found the explanation.
It seems that when bread is covered with butter, we pinch a hold on the
outer rim of it to keep from sliming our fingers. so, when our grip
loosens for the buttered bread to fall, it swings down like a trapdoor on a
hinge, instead of simply plopping straight down as it would if we had it
gripped in our hand the way you hold a book or an envelope. some law of
gravity dictates that when something swings on a fulcrum, it initially
swings more than ninety degrees. and that is why it is more tilted butter
down when it hits and lays down flat that way. not murphy's law. a simple
mechanism of the circumstance. now i am back to the drawing board, trying
to figure out how to capitalize on the fact that everything i drop is
buttered. ;-)
Lovely to see you back. I still love your ranting, lol. Eh, it's your blog,
post what you want. Most of us have been reading you for a while, so we
know what to take with a grain of salt (if necessary). Gawd, I missed you!
Don't stay away for so long, please? *hugs*
incredible how you sustain your thought with the changing of tracks you
listen to. there is some wisdom in the songs you listen to. i suppose you
feel most connected to it, i mean you can relate to it. you mentioned
several things i'd like to agree on. organized religion may be twisted by
humans to anything they would like it to be. and indeed our connection to
our God should be between Him and us alone. though this is sometimes
perverted for personal recognition. I see my parents in you. Their parents
were devout Catholics but somewhere along the way, mass misconception and
practicality of life probably drove them away from church. I find it sad in
a way because it is hard to sustain life saying that we have no faith or
that we don't know who or what to believe in. When you don't realize your
purpose, every thing else becomes immaterial. I say my friend, the littlest
cosmic movement in our universe is moved by love. Be inspired, Kevin. Want
it. Own it.
Seems like you are back up, yippeee!